There's a YMCA camp on the far Northwest side of the island that was used for filming, so we check it out. Let me tell you, this has got to be the best location of a YMCA camp that I've ever seen. Directly on the beach, secluded, and about 1/4 mile from mountains. Unbelievable. Granted, I've only ever seen about two YMCA camps in my life, but I'm pretty sure none of them are as amazing as this one.
After snapping some pics of the filming location (just no pics of any kids, camp is in session, we were told), we head off to check out the famed North Shore. Surfing Mecca. Just the day before, they held "The Eddie", which is a contest that is held only when conditions meet a certain criteria (173 ft waves or something ridiculuous). The last time it was held was 5 years ago. We missed that tournament, but the "Pipeline Masters" was still going on. At least we'd see some surfing. We drove up the shoreline, passing Waimea Bay, and heading up to Turtle Bay, where we thought the contest was being held. Oops. The entire beach is closed. The surf is too dangerous for anything. We ask someone there if the contest was going on, and the pointed us back down the road. We had passed it. So we turned back around, and eyed "Ted's Bakery", on the way, deciding that'd be our lunch place for the day. We found the Pipeline Master's Beach, but it was closed, too. The contest was postponed.
After a while, we noticed some surfers who were crazy enough to go out and catch some waves. They must've been a half mile out, and looked like tiny specs compared to the waves they were riding. These guys were nuts. Insane athletes, but nuts. but maybe that's redundant.
Truly a "locals" place. Maggie got the garlic shrimp, and I opted for the Loco Moco, a local favorite.
If I thought the mixed plate was the garbage plate of Hawaii, I was wrong. The Loco Moco is the garbage plate of Hawaii. Meatloaf-type burger patty, with a fried egg on top, smothered in gravy, served on top of rice, with some macaroni salad hidden in there. Amazing. Fills you right up. I couldn't finish it all.
Next stop, Disney World. Oh, I'm sorry, the Polynesian Cultural Center (I'll explain the Disney World thing later). We had tickets for the PCC which included access to their park, a luau, and a night show. But we got there at 1:30, and the night show was at 7:30. No way we'll be able to kill 6 hours in there. Let's head to the beach (again? come on it's Hawaii). This time, just up the road to Hukilau Beach.
Beautiful, secluded beach. Such a difference from Waikiki. Only a handful of people, and a truly beautiful beach. Just some good swimming and laying. Nothing too exciting.
I did meet a miniature sand crab who was kind enough to let me take some pictures of him, before he burrowed back down into his hole.
Okay, so now we can go to Disney World...Let me explain. The PCC is a large amusement park-like place. No, wait. It's more like Epcot Center. They have stations for each of the cultures of Polynesa (Fiji, Samoa, Aotearoa, etc.). And in each station they have family and cultural activities. But they're the type of activities that include cheesy jokes, audience participation, and more cheesy jokes. You get a small taste of their cultures, but you can't help but feel like it's all just a bubble-gummy, highly topical version of it all. Oh well. Oh, and I forgot to mention our Lei greeting. As we entered the park, we were both given leis and they snapped a picture of us with two polynesian-clad people. How nice! What's that? You want the leis back? Oh, okay. What's that? Oh, we have to pay if we want the picture you just took? Hmm, feels like an amusement park.
Still entertaining. Te'o Tafiti, a Samoan that creates fire, skins and cracks open a coconut, and then shaves it out to create coconut milk, was amazing. Partially because of his ability to do all of this with great ease, and partially because he did it while delivering his entire presentation with the precise wit of a veteran comedian or actor.
He reminded me of a comedian whose delivery includes ending his lines in a very strained, higher-pitched voice. I can't think of who it is, but Te'o had it down. And he was amazing. Even though, he probably was thinking, "This is just how you survive in Samoa. What's so amazing about it? We do this every day."
Enough Epcot. On to the Luau. But by this point, we were both a little wary. There's no way this Luau is going to be genuine. Too many people. Too Amusement Park. And we were right. Stadium seating (complete with creepy old couple sitting next to us), buffet style, plastic carafes of water and red fruit punch (how exotic!), and complete with "ritual" dances and traditions on the stage...Including a ukulele rendition of Elvis and Louis Armstrong. Don't get me wrong. The had some very good traditional Hawaiian food (including roast pig)
and some very interesting Hawaiian dances, but it was peppered with so much amusent-parkyness that you couldn't help but laugh. And we did. We laughed and laughed. At least we got real leis that we didn't have to give back. Fair enough.
Oh, and a quick note on the creepy old couple sitting next to us. The guy started dancing in his chair when the music started. Alright big guy, cool. Looks like you're having fun, good for you. "Sorry if I embarass you", he says to me. I smilie politely, and think to myself, "How can you embarass me by dancing in your chair? You're a complete stranger, I have no idea who you are. You can't embarass someone by proximity alone. Maybe if you poured water down my pants, stood me up and told everyone I peed myself, then maybe you'd embarass me, but I don't think that's quite the same as dancing in your chair."
At this point, we're 0 for 2. Do we stay for the night show? It'll probably be more of the same Mickey Mouse flavored stuff. Nah, let's get back to the hotel. We're on the other side of the island, and we're pretty beat. So maybe we missed out on the greatest show in the world...doubt it.
Side note. BYU seems to play a large role in the Polynesian Culture Center. Turns out the BYU-Hawaii campus is right behind the Center.
From what I can tell, BYU goes to these islands, offers scholarships to the children, and then hopes that the children will return to the islands to preach the word of Mormonism. And it seems like when these kids are students at BYU, they work at the Center, offering their cultural wisdom to the tourists. Just a theory, but I think it's pretty dead on.
Time for bed.
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